A Non-Horse Related Life Update

If you’ve read my last few posts, you’ve probably noticed that I’ve alluded heavily to a big lifestyle change that has impacted how the last few months have unfolded for me. I’m reluctant to share too many details on here, but if we’re blogland friends, feel free to reach out to me and be nosy, I really don’t mind. The gist of what happened is that, for the first time in nearly ten years, I’m a single woman. Yes, Jason is still alive and, I assume, well, but we’re no longer together.

It was his decision, and for a while I struggled with it, but in the last couple of months I’ve seen my life become remarkably less complicated. I no longer feel the pressure to have a baby while SO many in my immediate circle of family and friends are having children. This was the number one reason he cited for leaving-that he felt I’d never be ready to have kids of the human sort and I’d continue to fill that void with animals.

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Stolen from the interwebs, but it is a pretty accurate representation of my feelings.

I could always change my mind about this down the road once I’m in a new relationship, or hell, without one if I wanna live the single mom life. But that’s just it, it is my life and I can choose if I want to bring another life into my life if I want. The beauty of my current situation is that everyone is not only not pressuring me into having a baby for the first time in years, but, despite not verbally admitting it, they’re relieved that I didn’t have one in my marriage because of how much more complicated all of this would be.

Speaking of complications, there have been few. I’ll continue to have the exact same number of animals, live in the same house, pay the same bills, farm the same piece of property to the best of my not-so-great ability, and love the same people. My family and friends have been the MOST supportive the last few months and I can’t imagine how I would’ve gotten to this point without them. I spend a lot of time with my mom and brother/sister-in-law/niece and I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

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I mean, my niece is the cutest baby ever.

The dogs have been a huge source of comfort at home. Coming home to an empty house would’ve been hell and the dogs keep me from ever worrying about being alone. They’ve adjusted fabulously and, while I feel guilty that they’re crated so much while I’m at work and the barn, they seem as happy as ever and I try to spend equal times cuddling with each of them.

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I am thankful that I had 75 trips lined up for this fall, because it gave me the opportunity to get away from life without knowing that I would need to. Charleston, WEG, a wedding and a horse show punctuated every change that I’ve been through over the last few months and literally forced me to keep my spirits high and to not sink into a depression. I’m a fairly task oriented person, so when I was home between all of these trips, my focus was more on getting everything separated and in order for whatever was next moreso than it was wallowing in my own self pity. This isn’t to say that I haven’t had my moments, but the more time passes, the fewer and further between they become.

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WEG was such a good time.

Overall, it has obviously been a huge change. People still seem to walk on eggshells around me somewhat, but I try to lighten the mood with a quip about my house being so clean nowadays, getting to put flannel sheets on my bed again, etc. SO many people in our lives don’t even know because neither of us have posted anything on facebook about it, so as I see people in person and they ask about him, I fill them in. Which may be more awkward? I can’t decide. Either way, I’ve basically just been taking things one day at a time and am living the life I want without too much thought about the opinions of others.

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It is liberating to know that I can go and do what I want, when I want (assuming I have a dog sitter…bahaha) and that I can spend as much money as I want on Joey’s training, horse showing, etc. Not that Jason ever literally told me how to spend my money, but now that I’m able to prioritize things in my life myself, I can work towards the goals that make me happy without considering anyone else’s life goals for the first time in a while. It’s safe to say that getting divorced wasn’t on my 30 Before 30, but life is certainly different now, so who’s to say I can’t focus the next six months or so on a variety of self improvement type things on the list to make an effort to finish out the next six months of my twenties strong? I do want to take some sort of big trip for my 30th, so if any of you guys have a good suggestion for a weird solo vacay in May, let me know.

So, this is my big vulnerable confession type post to explain my absence/lack of whatever has been lacking over the last few months. One day I hope to blog more regularly, but with winter coming, I anticipate things will continue to be slow while I slog through the monotony that is cold weather and owning a farm. Though, who knows, doing everything myself might make for comical blog fodder! I have already broken a few things with the tractor this Fall while left unsupervised. πŸ˜‚ Like I said, I’m taking things one day at a time…I’ll fix those things another day.

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Inspirational meme courtesy of Pinterest.

17 thoughts on “A Non-Horse Related Life Update

  1. I feel you on this. It’s mostly the reason my marriage failed, and if anything takes down the current relationship, it’ll probably be the same thing.

  2. ❀ I have been thinking of you. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray you find peace in comfort in the coming months. ❀ I hate that you are going through a hard time, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason. The best is yet to come. And, you can do all the things on your own! Trust me! We can commiserate with story time lol

  3. Thanks for sharing this. It can be tough to decide what to share and what to keep private, but know that we’re here for you! I totally feel you on people pressuring you to have a baby. Absolute total strangers have started asking me this since I got married this summer and it’s like I WILL HAVE ONE IF AND WHEN I WANT AND I WILL NOT CONSULT YOU ABOUT IT. Like, why do people think they can nose in on that extremely personal decision? Bah.
    Anyway. You are a badass and I for one would love to read about comical farm adventures. πŸ˜‰

  4. As someone whose known I’ve never wanted kids my whole life I feel like people have children all the time on a whim, without thinking about it in a rather flippant matter and having kids is a big fucking deal! Good for you for not doing it unless you are an enthusiastic yes! And also good for him for not forcing you into a lifestyle you aren’t sure you want to have, I know that the end of relationships sucks and there will be moments that dig real deep – I’m glad you have a great support network at home and you have one here in your readership too.

  5. That’s πŸ’― how I feel about kids and I seriously don’t understand why people make it into such a THING. I know I would be an absolutely terrible mother and I knew from a young age kids were not in my future. The quote you posted is so real — it’s a decision that cannot be undone, so if you’re not all on board, don’t make it. Good for you for being true to yourself, and if you ever need a listening ear, you know how to find me. Glad you’re adjusting and rocking life on your own on the farm πŸ™‚

  6. You know I’m always here if you want to say horrible things about him! I am all for man bashing. Or if you just want a sympathetic ear, I guess I can manage that too. πŸ˜‰

  7. Thanks for sharing. I totally get where you’re coming from, and I agree that kids ought to be an enthusiastic, thought-out choice. (And unfortunately, it seems like a lot of people don’t think about it that much!) I’d love to keep reading about farm adventures!

  8. That status about kids – I completely and wholly agree. I don’t dislike children, I just can’t commit 110% to having one, can’t undo it, and don’t want to pursue it at all unless I am ready to sacrifice everything for that child to have the best possible life. So very much with you and I’m so sorry you had to deal with such an upset in your life with a former partner due to it! Hugs!! And a trip in May…. Spring time is beautiful in so many mountainous areas – maybe strike out somewhere new and beautiful and see if you can incorporate some horseback riding? Or head to the UK or Europe for the same?

  9. I feel you. On our second date I told my SO that if he was set on having children then I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship because it would just end in heartache. 6 years in and he’s recently started to feel like he may want to have kids. It’s an incredible strain on our relationship and he’s only half thinking about it.

    • Yeah, we both were always ambivalent about having kids until he wasn’t. I’m still ambivalent. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I hate that you’re going through something similar. 😦

  10. I have children and have no regrets. But I don’t feel that everyone else should have them. It’s such a personal decision.
    I have done solo vacations without DH and had a lot of fun. Traipsing around Irieland was one of my favourites. Johanna runs a place in Spain where you can ride beautiful Spanish horses and enjoy the local scenery.

  11. Well I’m sorry about the divorce; that sucks. I’m also firmly in the no children camp, so I feel you there. I hope you keep on blogging. I like following your story even if it is just you doing barn stuff. I have already almost broken things with the tractor and I’ve only had it a few weeks so I can totally commiserate.

  12. I read “Eat Pray Love” in my 20s and one of the things that resonated with me the most at the beginning of the book is when Liz is having the same feelings about not wanting to have kids while all of hers and her husband’s friends are pressuring them to have children. She compared it to getting a tattoo on your face. I always thought that was such an accurate way of putting it, and have continued referencing it throughout the years.

    I was exactly 7 years old and standing in the kitchen of the old house in PR, right before my parents’ divorce went down, when I declared out of the blue, “I will never have children. I just want a life partner.” I reconsidered for maybe 5 minutes in my mid-twenties and then came to my senses. Like others have stated, I too have no issue with others’ children. I LOVED working with them when helping out at my mother’s art school and when I taught riding lessons. It was just an enormous relief to see them go home to their parents at the end of the day. I share L’s feelings on the subject: the decision to have children is not one that should be taken as lightly as so many people seem to do.

    I’m so sorry that it came down to this, but I’m glad that in the grand scheme of things your life gets to remain the same with the farm, the horses and your pets. I too would love to continue reading about your adventures with the farm. ❀

    As for vacations: it depends on how far you want to go and where you've been already. πŸ™‚ I have a coworker that is currently in New Zealand and having the most incredible vacation. A dear friend went to Iceland two years ago for a week and the photos he posted on social media were unreal. You see gorgeous photos of Iceland online, but seeing it through his eyes put it on a whole different level for me. Now, I recently learned of Tulum on the the coast of Mexico…the Azulik resort has become a bucket list item for me. It's not inexpensive…but it's closer than flying to Europe. πŸ™‚ https://www.azulik.com/ Check out the villas. If you go to Expedia they have the best prices…as well as a whole bunch of other incredible resorts on Tulum! πŸ˜€

  13. Sorry to be so late commenting on this… I am glad you are doing as well as you are, and that you are able to fully enjoy the things that are most important to you. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this at all. I agree with you 100% about kids being an “opt-in” situation if they’re conceived correctly (that sounded weird and harsh and rude… sorry). Such a tough subject if a couple isn’t on the same page about it 😦

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