Sorry for the awful blog title. It is what it is. I also really didn’t mean to go over a month without blogging, but there has both been a lot going on and a lot of nothing simultaneously.
First of all, my divorce has been final for two weeks now. Of course, I had a really rotten sort of day the day it became final, but I didn’t really find out about things being final until a few days later when the letter came in the mail. Everyone has asked me how it’s made me feel, and honestly I’m fine with it. I came to terms with the situation very quickly when I obtained my own closure by snooping back in September. Once I realized that my partner of nearly ten years was leaving me for another woman instead of that I wasn’t ready to have a baby with him, it made a lot more sense to me. The betrayal was certainly still there, but at that point, I was emotionally checked out and didn’t want a thing to do with him. Having someone tell you that something as incredibly personal as your lack of desire to reproduce was grounds to leave you after ten years was heartbreaking, the fact that there was another woman that he was more interested in was just a subsequent punch to the gut. After the weeks of having people say “why don’t you just have a baby with him then,” finding out about the other woman simplified things in a way I can’t articulate. I’ve written about the entire situation privately in detail, but never put it out there outside of sharing with a couple of close friends because of the harassment clause in our separation agreement. I wasn’t sure what can be interpreted as harassment, and I certainly didn’t want to risk allowing him to think twice about taking my house, so keeping my mouth shut was in my best interest over the last few months. Of course, the divorce being final liberates me in that respect, but honestly, the empty validation that I would’ve gotten from airing his dirty laundry isn’t worth the drama that could potentially ensue, so this is potentially the end of this story as far as public blogging is concerned.
Outside of that, life goes on. I’ve been dating and it’s truly a whole new world. That could honestly be an entire series of blog posts, but I think some of these stories are best shared among friends over drinks, not online. I’ve met several nice men that have since become good friends and have remembered how much I enjoy having guy friends. After getting married, I only really maintained two of my long term guy friends, only one of which is still in my life actively at this point, so the accumulation of more guy friends is a positive outcome of this new adventure. There is certainly risk involved with allowing myself to be vulnerable to new people, something that I’ve experienced some pain from a couple of times already, but reward is not without risk, so I understand that it is just part of it. I’m not in any hurry where dating is concerned. I’ve learned my lesson about being in the wrong relationship, so I’d prefer to be in the right relationship the next time I decide to spend ten years on someone. I’ve also really enjoyed being on my own to make my own decisions most of the time. There is something to be said for not having to rush home from an enjoyable day with friends because someone who didn’t want to go along is pouting at home.
This blog is supposed to be about horses. Well, that’s where things screech to boring/depressing. We’re coming out of winter, which means that I’m getting excited about farming and horses and donkeys and such. But naturally, just as I dug up soil samples to have tested at the lab at Virginia Tech to determine how to treat my soil for optimal hay production, I was slammed with bad news. From the rumor mill and research I’ve gathered, it looks as though the county will be proceeding to build the highway through the center of my barn. It sounds as though they’ve been/will be approved for two separate pots of funding, so there’s nothing standing in their way outside of the common decency that is not uprooting people from their farms. Naturally their interests are far more well established in attempting to make money versus leaving land owners alone, so I’m not optimistic that I’ll be building my dream house (or really anything) on my current property. From the timeline I found on their application for funds online it sounds like right of way acquisitions will begin in three years, which is probably around the time I’d be seeing the effects of liming/fertilizing my fields, so that project (and numerous others) are off the table. So the next three years will be focused on projects that are portable, like getting Joey trained and my horse trailer fixed up. I’m trying not to spend lots of money (or undue effort really) on things that will just be bulldozed and/or underneath asphalt in the next few years. The truly depressing side of things is looking for comparable farmland in the area that doesn’t already have a house on it. I don’t want to buy my forever farm only to live in a house that doesn’t suit me. I’m particular like that I guess.
I do have exciting things coming up. I leave for Hawaii in 42 days. Joey leaves for the trainer earlier than that even, though a date has yet to be determined. I intend to sit on him before he leaves just so I can say I was the first to sit on him. I’ve gotta find my happiness somewhere you guys. 😂
So that’s what I have going on right now. The other horses are all the same as they were going into winter. I am going through stuff that I don’t need and selling it to have cash for Hawaii. I need to go through horse stuff, but I’m such a hoarder! House/personal stuff is piled high in my house for a yard sale, but I’ve only got a couple of horsey things in the pile. I feel a barn spring cleaning urge coming on though, so if I decide to part with anything, I’ll post it on here for grabs.
Happy spring everyone!